Features
- Cover Type: Paperback with 320 pages
- Published by: Holt Paperbacks; Revised and Updated edition December 26, 2007
- Written in: English
- ISBN 10 Number: 0805087001
- ISBN 13 Number: 978-0805087000
-
Book Dimensions:
7.8 x 5.2 x 1.3 inches
- Weighs: 10.4 ounces
Product Review
When Harville Hendrix writes about relationships, he discusses them not just as an educator and a therapist, but as a man who has himself been through a failed marriage. Hendrix felt the sting of his divorce intensely because he believed it signaled not only his failure as a husband but also his failure as a couples counselor. Investigating why his marriage dissolved led him to start looking into the psychology of love. Marriage, he ultimately discovered, is the "practice of becoming passionate friends."
As a result of his research, Hendrix created a therapy he calls Imago Relationship Therapy. In it, he combines what he's learned in a number of disciplines, including the behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, to name just a few. He expounds upon this approach in
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. His purpose in writing the book, he says, is "to share with you what I have learned about the psychology of love relationships, and to help you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship."
Divided into three sections, the book covers "The Unconscious Marriage," which details a marriage in which the remaining desires and behavior of childhood interfere with the current relationship; "The Conscious Marriage," which shows a marriage that fulfils those childhood requirements in a positive manner; and a 10-week "course in relationship therapy, " which gives detailed exercises for you and your partner to follow in order to learn how to "replace confrontation and criticism with a healing process of mutual growth and support." The text is occasionally dry and technical; however, the information provided is valuable, the case studies are interesting, and the exercises are revealing and helpful. By utilizing his program, Hendrix hopes you too will be able to solve your marital difficulties without the expense of a therapist.
--Jenny Brown
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From AudioFile
For 17 years the author and his wife have been writing about how couples can express frustrated childhood requirements constructively, instead of acting them out and poisoning any chance for happiness. Providing exercises that get everyone's cards on the table, his approach to marital communication is widely used across the country. In a clear abridgment, Dr. Hendrix covers the essentials of long-term relationships and what it takes to get past the most common forms of relationship dysfunction. The author's resonant baritone and utter lack of pretense would serve all personal growth audios, regardless of authorship. These ideas will not save every marriage, but they're worthwhile tools that anyone can understand and try. T.W. Winner of AudioFile Earphones Award © AudioFile 2005, Portland, Maine--
Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine
--This text refers to the
Audio CD
edition.
Reader Reviews
This review is from: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (Paperback)
The relationship/self-help book market is booming. When looking for one of these books you are presented with a bewildering array of "experts" and "specialists", each with their pet theories about where men and women come from or what "rules" you should apply to your relationship. It is rare to find a book written by an author with solid academic credentials and years of clinical practice. This book is one such find. The book is organized into three parts. In part I, Dr. Hendrix describes the type of relationships most of us have - "Unconscious Marriage". In this section, he details how our childhood experiences, self image and ideals of romantic love combine to create an unstated power struggle between spouses. Often many books stop at this point, assuming that the reader can now go forth and solve their problems. Fortunately Dr. Hendrix continues. In the second part, he describes what a more fulfilling relationship might look like, the "Conscious Marriage". He describes how to begin with commitment, stop destructive exit patterns, creating a zone of safety, understanding yourself and your partner, how to begin real self growth and containing rage. He closes by providing two examples of marriages that have been transformed by applying these techniques. The exercises and approaches described by Dr. Hendrix are hard. His most meaningful techniques are not quick tricks but require a lot of introspection and self awareness. As he mentions in his book, many couples may require external assistance (we did). However, his techniques provides lasting changes in the way that you interact with your partner. The final part of the book is a series of exercises that help drive how the major points in each chapter of the preceding two sections. Relevant and helpful, their main point appears to be to draw the reader into applying the theories presented in the book to their own situation. In this respect, they are helpful. We have tried a number of different books/techniques to help our relationship and we found this one to be the most helpful by orders of magnitude. I hope it works well for others
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