My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

Features

• Cover Type: Paperback with 213 pages
• Published by: Bloomsbury USA May 12, 2005
• Written in: English
• ISBN 10 Number: 1582346186
• ISBN 13 Number: 978-1582346182
• Book Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
• Weighs: 3.2 ounces

From Publishers Weekly
Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape." She discusses her quest for sex with a "black man," which doesn't work out because the date she finds on ChocolateSingles.com has a penis so large, she "would have had to be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel to accommodate that thing." After him, there's a "little midget," but she sobers up before sleeping with him. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises too small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handler does sleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as much fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed.
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Product Review
"Offbeat and laugh-out-loud-funny essays smart, funny, and quick read." (Library Journal Review )

"Where have I been all of Chelsea Handler's life? I had no idea how funny, how brilliant she is.she is too clever for words." (Liz Smith New York Post )

In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they''re also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt." (Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry, Dating Big Bird, and Her )

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer." (Jay Leno )

"This book is no-holds-barred hilarious." (Jennifer Weiner, author of In Her Shoes and Little Earthquakes )

"[Chelsea] just might be funnier than David Sedaris." (Dallas Observer )

"Prime reading material for anyone looking to laugh their hiney off." (About.com )

Reader Reviews
Hilarious recollection of multiple amorous adventures and misadventures. Remeber when Woody Allen was funny? Well this could be his sister's version of "Everything you always wanted to know about sex but were afraid of asking" The succession of ever so more improbable sexual fiascos and mishaps, would make Candace Bushnell cringe. Like Sex and the City, but wearing JC Penney shoes instead of Manolo Blahnik's. A comic tour de force. Read it, you won't regret it.